i need somebody... anybody...

its like a vacuum inside... i need somebody i can hold onto and cry...


he's not there anymore...

wake up andrew...

HE'S GONE!!!

He doesnt want it back... the little hope you had has faded..


you're abandoned...

nobody loves you anymore....

you should just die you know...


you're so stupid... sacrificing so much to know it will end..

why do you keep breaking your heart over and over again?

you know that aj relationships NEVER EVER last forever


it will inevitably end..

just looking at him will make you cry now.

you wimp.

you used to be able to stand up for yourself..


what has happened to you?

i hate you andrew.

i hate you so much.


i hate. i hate. i hate...


you're sick and tired of everything. friends, family, work, and yourself..

now you dont even have him. the only pillar you held on to has crumbled...


you lost faith.

God is a million miles away now









He can't hear you.

you know that?


where is he now when your heart needs healing?

is he there for you to hold?

is he there for you to cry on?


nothing is truly worth its value.

You are useless.



USELESS!!!!!!

You're scared of failure huh?


Let me tell you now..

YOU FAILED!!!

YOU FAILED!!!!

YOU FAILED YOU FAILED YOU FAILED!!!!


so what if you score well in exams

so what if you do well at work

so what if you're talented

so what if you're good looking.



even if you think you are, IT DOESNT MATTER!!


you're alone. you're gone.

goner. "poof" you know?


because you have nobody left beside you.













andrew sits down and cry... like how he has been for the last 30 hours...
he holds the cookie monster and cries some more...
he misses his cookie monster... he can't sleep because his mind is wrecked..

andrew and dominic are no longer together..


to all those who want dominic, i'm sure you all must be really happy now.

to all those who believed in this relationship, i'm sorry, you all were misguided.

to all those who hated me because of the relationship, rejoice, its over.

to all those who thought i invested too much time and money in the relationship, smirk, because i have nothing left.

to all those who think that my heart will learn to love again, sorry, its exothermally frozen beyond melting

to all those who hated the relationship, be at peace, for there is nothing left to hate.

to all those who told me that this relationship will never last, you were right, it couldnt last.




to all those who were there for us during the good times and the bad,

i'm really sorry...

i've let you all down...

I've let myself down..

I've let God down, even... because I wanted to prove that it could work... that 2 guys could really love each other and last till we see you again..







*blank stare*

everything is over.......................................................................................................................

I think I've cried until I've no more tears left...

I'm going crazy... i think...

I'm talking to myself... I'm trying to convince myself that none of this actually happen...

I'm living in one of those uncontrollable nightmares where I'll wake up soon... anytime...


I've never ever EVER EVER EVER EVER loved anybody so much before..

nor liked anybody so much before...


THE CHAPTER ENDS..

everything ends...


but I'm unwilling to let go of that small hope that he might love me again...



help me..

i just wanna die.......

everything is over.....

Its over...

I'm broken... Emotionally, financially, mentally and physially..

everything is over...

I planned everything around him... and everything is shattered...

dreams... plans.. hopes...


I planned the chalet for him... never thought that it would be the biggest nightmare of my life...



its over...

he didnt even take back the pooh bear that I bought for him..








... i havn't cried so long in my life before.....







i miss him so badly......

*cries*

Seeya~!

ANDREW WILL BE AT THE CHALET FROM 21-23rd OF FEBUARY.

NO BLOG ENTRIES TILL THEN!! =)

LOCATION : DOWNTOWN EAST 1837 BLK H




x)

Chalet in 3 Days!

Work is getting pretty boring... with little incentive...

Never thought I'd be sick of seeing Final Cut Pro over and over everyday....

... sigh... I was telling Dominic just now that I was feeling kinda depressed. I see the same thing over and over everyday, do the same routine over and over everyday...

No time to spend with people....

Working life is really different from school life... I guess I finally understand when people say that working life transform you into a stiff, unliving robot...

I really miss school life.... =/


I was editing this video today called the "Tim and Ben show" its about this two secondary school boys doing this thing called Vlogging..
Every moment I worked on that video, the more I miss school life.... Carefree, friends around all the time, no monetary concerns...

They have a timetable that changes 5 times a week... but my schedule is : edit-edit-edit-edit........

it kinda sucks... really...


Currently the agape youth boys are at my house playing computer, PS2, having a real good time together, supposedly chilling out with each other thru the night...
I've got to go to sleep.

or I wont be able to wake up for work tomorrow.

They will be playing when I wake up for work tomorrow,
they will be playing when I go to sleep tonight...

tell me how not to be envious.


I'm doing a job that is giving me really.... really little... *sigh*...

Even Dominic is earning more then me...


Bleah~ At least I managed to get 3 days off this week, on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday...

I'd better start planning for what to bring for the chalet... the chalet is actually meant for Dominic, to let him enjoy one last time before being drafted into a money-less internship...

problem is.... he doesnt really seem concerned about the chalet...

hurts..... kinda...

nvm.. I'll continue on myself...

stuff to bring for the chalet :

Equipment
- 4 sets of clothes
- suntan oil
- swimming trunks
- towel
- slippers
- gas stove with pot (if possible)
- soup ladel
- butter brush
- plastic plates
- plastic cups
- plastic cutlery
- paper napkins
- charcoal
- styrofoam container
- drink dispenser
- big black plastic bags
- ordinary plastic bags

Food
- Chicken wings
- Sausages
- Crabstick
- Stingray???
- Fishball/Meatballs
- Corn
- Sweet potato
- Butter
- Mayonnaise
- Chilli/Tomato
- Instant drink mixes
- Ice
- Cup noodles

Pig. Year.

Happy Pigging Year people.



dominic is not picking up my call again. *fumes*

Raw Kenna STOMPED!

Hmm... RAW Spa kenna STOMPED! Lolz...

Some dumb blonde sent in a photo to say that their advertisements are inappropriate...

haha...

I wonder what Maxxy is going to do about it... =P

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/viewPost1952.aspx

WoOtz! Quizzies from Bastian's blog =)

You Are 54% Feminine, 46% Masculine

You are in touch with both your feminine and masculine sides. You're sensitive at the right times, but you don't let your emotions overwhelm you. You're not a eunuch, just the best of both genders.

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

You Date Like a Man

According to studies on dating, you date like a man. You date casually and frequently, getting serious with select people over time. Physical attraction and chemistry is very important to you. And if there's nothing more than a physical connection, that's okay with you (at least for a while). You are definitely looking for love, but you are in no rush to find it. You figure love will eventually come your way, and you're not going to live like a monk while you're waiting!

Do You Date Like a Man or a Woman?

Your Lust Quotient: 43%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it. Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

You Are 80% Vain

You're a little vain, but you also work hard for your good looks. Just remember, everyone knows you are a total hottie. You don't have to remind them.

How Vain Are You?

My Personality

Neuroticism	79
Extraversion	62
Openness To Experience	61
Agreeableness	35
Conscientiousness	60

You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. You can be very easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be extremely sensitive and emotional. A desire for tradition does not prevent you from trying new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual. You have some concern with others' needs, and are generally pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report Browse 1000s of the most popular myspace layouts or create your own layout.

Happy Anniversary... be my Valentine?...

1 year, 3 months...
Haha... It so happens that our anniversary is on the 14th of every month... which makes this month an exceptionally special one, coz its both valentines day and our anniversary...

He bought me a cookie monster plushie... haha... so cute xD

He bought it to remind me of him... -_-

Nowadays, we've ran out of places to go... We've memorized the whole of orchard, dhoby ghaut, bugis and city hall at the back of our hands... There isn't anything much left to do...

=/

but, I guess... Its the long bus ride, like the 1 and a half hour 171 bus ride with him that makes me appreciate how much being with him counts...

Just lying on his shoulder, hearing his steady heart beat... warming him up when he feels cold.. playing with his fingers and pretending to bite them... sneaking kisses when nobody's looking...

Its like this, that makes falling in love so beautiful isn't it?...



I'm in love.... I'm still in love... with the same person, over and over again............



... be my valentine?...

I.. miss.. him...

...

Bite me.
I've spent $600 in less then 14 days.

At this rate, I'm going to be beyond broke for a long, long time.

Why must every single thing increase in price at Valentine's day?... It kinda sucks... *cries*

sigh... Valentines Day. A day to get broke. A day to empty your wallet.


nah... *dont think about that Andrew*

Just to see the smile on his face is good enough...

But.... sometimes, I just feel like I'm "keeping" him with money...


I feel so cheap sometimes....




*cries*

QuIZzY...

Describe love in 1 word:
- Commitment

Would you dare to fool your bf/gf?:
- Don't want to. Don't dare me or I'll give you hell.

What do you do when you've been hurt by the 1 you love?:
- Cry.. stare blankly into space for a few hours.... then cry some more... then...

Single or taken?:
- completely taken.

How do you feel right now?:
- tired...

Do you miss somebody?
- yes... Dominic... alot.

Does letting go always means goodbye?:
- No, it can also mean that he'll return and love you even more...

Rate yourself from 1-10, 10 highest, how much do you love her/him:
- 10, TEN, Shi, Sup, (need more languages?)

Are you willing to love again even if you've been hurt many times?:
- don't know.. don't think so...

Are you in love?:
- yeah...

Do you prefer to see him/her everyday or not so often?:
- everyday if possible, but only when I'm living with him...

Do you have a gf/bf?
- err.. like duh.

If God will let you choose the one who will love you, what kind of lover would s/he be?
- Totally romantic, completely trustworthy, dumbly innocent, and boyishly protective.

Do you fight for love?:
- yeah. I'll fight for him.

How will you know if you're in love?:
- I know.. haha.. I KNOW.

Have you ever cried for the one you love/like?
- yeah... too many times...

Are you happy or hurt?:
- currently happy!

Are you loyal with the one you love?:
- completely. =)

Are you serious when it comes to relationships?
- very. VERY. VERY VERY VERY serious.

Does answering this make you feel sad or happy?
- errr.. duno.. doing this becoz i waiting for my friend to send me a song.

When was the last time you cried?:
- a few weeks back...

Does crying help you? How?:
- yeah, helps me think alot...

Do you have a secret love?
- YEAH! He's cute, charming, innocent, dumb... coincidentally, he's my boyfriend.. x)

If yes, do you have any plans of confronting him/her about it?
- err.. asking him to marry me?.. haha... will he?... xD

Zapotecs

I feel sad... really sad...
Its not those heart-wrenching sadness, or the bitter sadness that I usually write in my blog.. Rather, its a sadness that seem to come from deep within... like a dull throbbing blade deep inside my chest..

I've come to realize recently that while I rant so much about homophobia and discrimination of gays and stuff, its hard to imagine the notion of people having heterophobia.
Yes.

Or more specifially, they hate christians.

There is a growing community of anti-christians in the AJ circle, its expending rapidly... like wildfire...

In a way, I can understand why they hate christians... After all, we have had a history of oppressing gays, destroying gay relationships and turning them out of the church...

Is it too late to turn back now?

If the church doesnt wake up from this, they'll find themself thrown into a chaotic society of antichristians.


sigh... Dear God... what to do...


=/


on a lighter note, I'm in PES A L1! Which means I'll be able to go commandos! hmm...

=)

Oh, some of you have been asking what is L1, L1 means that I'm completely ok and m body is performing at optimum performance.

cool.

Testing the new picasa picture uploading software....
Anywayz, this is me. I still have my secondary school PE t-shirt k... =P

converting... converting... CONVERTED.

Okie, I've officially converted my blog to the new Blogger Beta-type blog.

Tedious amount of work that had to be put in... =/

After a really long time, I've finally manage to get something, more or less the same as my old blog...
Hopefully with no problems of course..

Some changes are :
a) Changed color scheme -
Black, Blue series, Green Series, Yellow series.

b) Links are more compact and easier to find

c) I (or you) can search back to the past years entries on my blog now.

d) Changed the sub-title to something stupid.

e) Corrected the time code problem on the tag board (jeez. I hate the word "time code")

f) Corrected some old HTML2.0 flaws.


Yup. Hope nothing goes wrong.... =/


oh yah. I did this because this is my 1000th post on my blog.

wowee.


*grins*

Monotony

Little things, every day.
We live, we work, we play.
Emancipation.

Nocturnal creatures plow the night,
Doing stuff they thing is right.
Endeavoring.

Andrew is currently in a comatose state.
All he's dreaming of is his bed.
Entrancing.

Separating life from dreams.
Wake up silly goose.
Monotony.

- Andrew.


I'm feeling dead beat now. It sucks when you have lots of work to do, but it sucks more when you have lots of work to do, but can't do it.
It sucks even MORE when everybody is enjoying a blissful holiday, while you're slogging off for a few cents at work.

I'll only be having my personal MacG5 in the office 3 weeks from now. Even then, it'll take a few days to configure the computer before it can actually be usable.


The editor always wants the best of everything - reality TV, live telecasts, fast-paced action, raw, live action.
But the problem is that we only have a four-person team.

FOUR people. Each one of us does :
1) Logistics
2) Shooting (filming)
3) Digitizing
4) Editing
5) HTML scripting (for uploading on the website).

Most production houses and TV stations have a separate team for EACH section. (emphasise "Team" and "Each Section").

And they have WEEkS to put everything together before it actually goes on screen.

We barely have a few days to go through all the 5 processes to come up with the final product. While the editor keeps pushing for the highest professional standards possible - RE: American Idol, Babel, Saving Private Ryan.

- In a very very short time span (1-3 days)
- With only 2 workstations (for 4-5 events concurrently running)
- While filming events
- (for me) Do photo albums

I think I'm a genius in film production already (for my age) - considering I know all the processes inside-out.

I think so far, while working at STOMP, I've got at least 30 videos to put in my portfolio already...

THIRTY VIDEOS. That is almost THREE times the total amount of videos I've done in entire LIFE.

all in a span of 100 days.


blah.
blah.
blah...



jeez. what am I working for??....
somebody remind me again.... =/

Tearjerker...

*cries*

Baby Twirling Nonsense

Haha... Recently I've been busy with work. - as usual.
But stuff are getting a new twist, with a huge kick to it..

haha..... (no. its not an increase in pay).

If any of you people reading this are stompers, you'd know that there is this thing called MMSing Contest, where people send in MMSes of themselves singing to their camera phones, looking ultra-silly, and of course, who can forget - twirling. (re: Caleb).

So, the contest is finally over and the results are OUT!!

and the winner is..........
1) NOT a singer
2) NOT an adult
3) NOT (even) a teen
4) NOT (even) a kid
5) YES. A baby.
6) YES. Might be a dancer.

TA-DA!!! A baby called Caleb who can twirl!!

Which of course incurs the rage of the other 293,763,108,151,000. And here, the STOMP team goes around to squeeze out their extreme bitterness and BITCHINESS.

haha... its like super fun...

i.e.

"... I can sing twinkle twinkle little star (Caleb's song) when I was one-year old. Now, I can sing Beyonce. (four-year old)"

"... I can't twirl so much, I get dizzy."

"... It boils down ultimately to how many fingers click, not how talented you are. I mean, twirling? Get a life!"

haha... My colleague and I are going down tomorrow to interview Caleb (the baby who won $10,000) and his grandfather (who won as well). - with a total of $13,000 dollars.



*phew* had to get this hilarious bug off my chest.



Anywayz, I have been socially hyperactive ever since I started working... Maybe its because Dominic hardly could come out the past few months..

I kinda.. miss him alot...

It feels wierd... so many of our friends have had relationships between this period of time when we were together....
It feels like we're like some senior relationship specialist in the circle...

I dunno... Its never ever been difficult (for me) to stay faithful to him... there are times when we almost broke up.. and there are times when we fell out for long periods of times..

Nobody is perfect - unless you make them perfect.
Nobody is beautiful - unless you make them beautiful.
Nobody is smart - unless you make them smart.
Nobody is fat - unless you make them fat.

Nobody.

Its a simple logic. but few people get it...

When a little kid says "I think my mummy is the most beautiful woman in the world," he means it from his little heart...
Because he loves her.

Love is so easy. Yet, it can be so difficult.


It takes 2 hands to clap. One hand can be happiness, one hand can be disaster.

If one only contributes disaster, expect no happiness.

If one only contributes happiness, expect disaster.



I love Dominic. That is one thing I know deep inside that can't change....

Warmonger Nominated for Nobel Prize.

Some idiot nominated Mahathir to get the Nobel Peace Prize.

PEACE PRIZE.

Define PEACE :

# the state prevailing during the absence of war
# harmonious relations; freedom from disputes; "the roommates lived in peace together"
# the absence of mental stress or anxiety
# the general security of public places; "he was arrested for disturbing the peace"
# a treaty to cease hostilities; "peace came on November 11th"

JEEZ. He doesnt fufill ANY of the above criteria lah. Maybe with an exception of "being arrested for disturbing the peace".
- After all, he just sends anybody whom he perceives to disturb HIS peace to jail.

He gets an award for "helping out in the leadership" after he served his term in government.

Like that, Lee Kuan Yew should be getting the award long time ago already lor...

JEEZ.

what is the world coming to if people like Mahathir is nominated for a Nobel prize?
what has the world came to if people like Mahathir GETS the Nobel prize?

either something is wrong with the nomination system, or the world is going to ruins.


I really hate that guy.

Nicholas would look better with the Nobel prize hanging around his neck then him. -.-

risk my life.

A good friend of mine told me yesterday that he was selected to go for a psychological test for eligibility to get into the SAF commandos.

Bleah`~ thus, my face turned green with envy. - jeez! I don't even know my PES status yet!

The glory! The status! The honor! The achievement!

But then, what he said next struck me.

"I don't want to die in the army."

"..."

Literally, I was stunned; and halted my barrage of words for awhile...

It struck me hard... the amount of commandos that get killed in service... and the extremely dangerous nature of their job...

People die in that line.
Their names never get written or known to the world, because of the undesirable consequences.

Their names get erases with time, as though they never existed - until the day they are given the status of commando.


... but frankly, what is life without risk huh?


If looking back at my life would teach me a lesson, that lesson would be that, "If you let opportunities pass by just because you blame it on risk, you'll soon realize that your life is just a generic replication of a commoner."

Generic + Replication + Commoner.

I'd rather die then look back at my life when I was old, and realize that my life was just like the guy next door, and the next, and the next....


I've always treated my life like an author writing a book. My life is the pages, my decision is the writer's hand, my opportunity is the pen, and the risk I take is the unerasable ink that mark each page, one by one.

If I want my book to be a best seller.

I have to live to be the best I can be.



- nothing less.




Andrew is going to the final internship briefing at 1400 hrs.